He called just to say he was missing me….

But he isn’t the one that I want to call. 

Getting so tired of my words these days…  Feeling my heart get destroyed.  Thinking thoughts that aren’t so nice.  Thinking the world is this bad place sent to destroy me.  Consumed with hatred and thinking that everyone is the same.  It’s like it goes in phases of sweetness and love just to be taken to a dark lonely place.  

I used to want a guy to sweep me off my feet.  I wanted him to look at me like I could be his best friend.  I wanted him only to want me to be his best friend.  I wanted him to always want me around and think that if I wasn’t there he wasn’t going to have fun.  Fun without me was just a little less than happy.  

It’s really not how the world works.  I guess the day I learned that I didn’t need anyone to make me happy was the same day that I learned they didn’t need anyone to make them happy as well. 

Bitter sweet to learn something about yourself, but then only to find out that everyone has that strength inside them.  

I feel like I’m always searching for more.  More happiness, more freedom, more love, more than what I have.  

When will there be enough.  When will I be able to smile and mean that I am truly happy again?